pillow talk 01
advice on new beginnings & friendships
Welcome to my q/a section and advice column. I started pillow talk as a space to feel comfortable and understood. Think of it as confiding in your online big sister. Grab a cozy blanket. Let’s sit & chat.
Q: Do you have any advice on how to deal with starting at a completely new school?? It’s like high school but from the ages 16-18, and im so nervous, my new class doesnt seem the best… ):
A: During my formative years, I happened to change schools a few times, which led me to trust people a little less easily. This made it a bit more difficult to make friends.
I specifically remember trading schools right before high school and entering a school where my peers had known each other since middle school or even earlier (gotta love the 6-12 schools). This meant that it would be an even greater challenge to break into friend groups that had been established long before I entered the mix. I watched other girls gather in groups at lunch laughing over the latest gossip while I always felt a little left out of the one I had slowly grown into.
I spent most of my high school years obsessing over boys (as all girls do) while also obsessing over trying to be like/be liked by everyone (as all girls do). My senior year, I slowly began to realize that neither is possible.
You can not be like anyone else. Nor should you want to be. It’s cliche, I know. But, by being your most authentic self you will attract the company of those that already share similar interests and better yet, are comfortable in their own skin without attempting to dim your light.
My advice: join some clubs and sports that match your interests and find your own sense of community on campus. Bonus points for adding them to your college apps.
You can not, be liked by everyone else. Nor should you want to be. No one likes a people pleaser. I always felt uncomfortable around those that seemed to shift into a completely new personality depending on the people they were surrounded by. This often led to deep feelings of distrust within the group because no one can ever be certain where a chameleon’s loyalties lie. Even as an adult, I often have to remind myself that not everyone is going to like me and that is okay. I won’t like everyone I meet either.
My advice: Do not lose yourself by trying to please others. This is a beautiful time in your life where you can get ahead of the curve by understanding that you are YOU. If you were meant to be somebody else, you would have.
I firmly believe that every person has a purpose in life. Some find it sooner than others and that’s okay. The journey of understanding oneself and one’s purpose is actually never ending and constantly evolving. Getting comfortable with the concept of uncertainty and viewing it as unlimited opportunity, will help you better understand your inner being. By embracing the concept of the unknown, you will come to realize that no one really knows what they are doing. Everyone is living life for the first time just trying to survive. What that means is, there is no right way of doing things. Everyone is on their own path and will find their own way. So do not compare your journey to someone else’s.
I wrote a letter to my brother when he had started high school. Here are some of my favorite pieces of advice.
Get organized, do your assignments on time, ask questions, talk to your teachers. (This is exactly what you will be doing in college so get good at it now.)
Be yourself. If you feel like something is probably a bad idea, it is. Do not do anything you are uncomfortable with or might regret later.
Smaller friends groups = less drama.
The friends you have now, most likely won’t stay connected later. So it’s not the end of the world if suddenly one day you don’t talk.
The crush you have now, is not worth dropping your grades for. Your education is the one thing that no one can take from you. Stay focused. But also, having a crush is fun (I get it) just don’t lose your head.
Trust one friend. It’s better to have one really close friend that you confide in as opposed to several. I promise you, when you tell someone not to tell anyone else… they most likely do.
Join at least 2 clubs and 1 sport.
Go to school events to get out of your comfort zone.
Please eat your lunch or bring your own. You do not look dumb carrying your food around and you do not look weird eating. Your body needs fuel and you are beautiful the way you are.
Those mean girls will stay mean and that kind of personality makes them ugly. Once you’ve graduated and moved on in life, they will be busy counting down the days to reunion. You are so much more than the way they make you feel. Ignore them.
Everyone that is hot now, has most likely peaked. Your glow up is coming.
You do not need to have all of the latest things to be “cool or trendy” (still learning that one).
Don’t take AP courses, take college courses at your local junior college instead. That way, you can get college credit for gen ed courses and be ahead.
Read for fun while you still can because college and grad school take a lot of time.
Stick to some sort of workout routine now, so you can establish good habits.
I hate to say it, but most of the time your parents are right. It may seem like they don’t understand you and want to control you, but in most cases they are just trying to protect you. The world is a scary place especially for a parent raising teenagers. Listen to them and try to compromise. You don’t want to have to learn things the hard way.
Spend time with your parents, they won’t be around forever.
Not everyone studies the same way and you don’t have to stick to one method. AI didn’t exist when I was in hs but I’ve used it to create flash cards, make study guides out of notes, revise my essay organization, and create flowcharts for complex concepts. Use it to help you study and learn but try not to cheat. Cheating is only hurting you because you won’t learn anything. Keep in mind if AI is getting stronger, AI checkers are even stronger. Don’t ruin your record by being lazy.
I’m not going to tell you what to do, or what not to do. But I will say, try to avoid the peer pressure. You only have one body so treat it well.
Find a trusted adult, teacher, counselor etc that you can talk to and trust. Life isn’t always easy and sometimes you need extra support and advice. The hardest part of life is knowing when to seek help, putting your pride aside, and actually asking for it. These people are given the task of taking care of your well being. If you need help, ask. They will be there for you to fall back on.
Have fun. Time is going to fly by so spend it doing things you enjoy and trying new things. Don’t worry about how you might look or how silly it seems. My biggest regret is letting my fear of looking stupid rob me of life experiences. How crazy is it to let someone else’s perception of you, control your life? Get out there and live it while you’re still young and have the energy of youth in your bones.
I hope this helps and I hope you do great in high school!
- s.
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THANK YOU FOR THAT SCHOOL ADVICE 🫶🫶🫶